Monday, June 7, 2010

Riding Dirty: DC "Cyclists"


Whoever said "you never forget how to ride a bike" has clearly never been to DC. Here bikers, no ... "cyclists" travel in some red bull-fueled, extra-legal nexus where the laws of the road, the sidewalk, and physics don't apply to them. Who knew the green movement didn't have red lights?

Examine Exhibit A, above. You will see at once several things that characterize the self-proclaimed road warriors of DC. (1) Note the light. It is red for every vehicle except that bike in the cross-walk. Lights don't affect bikes because bikes create rainbows, not carbon monoxide. (2) See the pedestrians learn that "right of way" comes with a big asterisk on two wheels with an attitude. (3) See how road-sharing, stopgap methods like, say, BIKE LANES, are irrelevant and unused, even on major thoroughfares of the city?  Bike lanes are just sidewalks with laws; laws add safety, and safety is for wimps. (4). No helmet, of course; cyclists are hard core and disregard all laws, even Isaac Newton's.

Ah yes, DC, where bike helmets, and the brains to fill them, are entirely optional.

Hey cyclists, you may like to know we have a fixed gear vehicle too! It is called a "car" and that gear is called "D." Do you know the speed limit in downtown Washington DC? Neither do we!

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